My principal occasionally puts up a DO NOT DISTURB sign on his office door. Its rare, but it happens. It goes up when he is really having to finish something in a timely manner and cant be interrupted.
I often think that I should wear one of those signs on my person.
I am definitely someone who needs alone time and I hate being interrupted!
Sometimes I go to work early...like early early. As in 6 00 ish. Usually its because the day is so hectic and that is the only time I can get work of substance completed. It works for our family because E takes the girl to school so Im not terribly missed when I leave and everyone is sleeping. They dont really need me in the morning.
One of my pet peeves is when someone comes and talks to me when I am trying to work. I mean come on... why else would I be at school so frigging early other than to get some things accomplished!
Its not the pop ins that annoy me either, its the kids who sit and STAY there. Ive been known to say, "Im not going to talk to you right now, but its not that i dont like you i just need to finish this."
I guess what it comes down to is a boundaries problem. Boundaries are a huge problem for me in general. Mine are all wishy washy. I think this comes directly from being a pleaser and having some very strict expectations to meet as a child. I so desperately dont want people to be displeased with me that often I sacrifice what I need or desire to that end. Im sure on some level this tension is healthy right? Arent Christians supposed to be others-centered?
I wish it were nice and clean cut for me. I know mostly you have to evaluate on a situation to situation basis if your boundaries can be crossed or not. That makes it all the harder for me though because at times, I dont know what Im actually feeling.
Then this gets all tied into a theme in my life that i constantly push against which is: "Do I want to actually live my life or do I want to save some energy for later in case something happens then?"
This all stems back from when Kaitlin was a baby and she she was so sick and almost died. I know for a fact that this is based in fear. I think I must always be on my toes and have my ducks in a row because if it all goes down then somehow I will have some modicum of control with what has happened.
As if this could actually be true!! In my warped mind somehow it is.
So where does that leave me...I guess just constantly pushing again the tension that exists in life. Trying to remember that Christ is actually in control...that He has my days all planned out for me...that I am not my own but belong body and soul in life and in death to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.
I suppose most of the great living in life comes in the tension of it.
I often think that I should wear one of those signs on my person.
I am definitely someone who needs alone time and I hate being interrupted!
Sometimes I go to work early...like early early. As in 6 00 ish. Usually its because the day is so hectic and that is the only time I can get work of substance completed. It works for our family because E takes the girl to school so Im not terribly missed when I leave and everyone is sleeping. They dont really need me in the morning.
One of my pet peeves is when someone comes and talks to me when I am trying to work. I mean come on... why else would I be at school so frigging early other than to get some things accomplished!
Its not the pop ins that annoy me either, its the kids who sit and STAY there. Ive been known to say, "Im not going to talk to you right now, but its not that i dont like you i just need to finish this."
I guess what it comes down to is a boundaries problem. Boundaries are a huge problem for me in general. Mine are all wishy washy. I think this comes directly from being a pleaser and having some very strict expectations to meet as a child. I so desperately dont want people to be displeased with me that often I sacrifice what I need or desire to that end. Im sure on some level this tension is healthy right? Arent Christians supposed to be others-centered?
I wish it were nice and clean cut for me. I know mostly you have to evaluate on a situation to situation basis if your boundaries can be crossed or not. That makes it all the harder for me though because at times, I dont know what Im actually feeling.
Then this gets all tied into a theme in my life that i constantly push against which is: "Do I want to actually live my life or do I want to save some energy for later in case something happens then?"
This all stems back from when Kaitlin was a baby and she she was so sick and almost died. I know for a fact that this is based in fear. I think I must always be on my toes and have my ducks in a row because if it all goes down then somehow I will have some modicum of control with what has happened.
As if this could actually be true!! In my warped mind somehow it is.
So where does that leave me...I guess just constantly pushing again the tension that exists in life. Trying to remember that Christ is actually in control...that He has my days all planned out for me...that I am not my own but belong body and soul in life and in death to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.
I suppose most of the great living in life comes in the tension of it.
2 comments:
as life progress, we need our view of jesus to progress (grow) as well. the jesus i knew when i became a xian is too small for who i am now.... problem is that i tend to keep him in a box so that in fact he is not sufficient. i fail to pursue him so that he continues to get bigger in my life rather than people. i need a big god.....not big people.
Isn't that redundant? How can you disturb someone who is already disturbed? Sorry, I find it impossible to be serious today . . .
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