My friend Kathie is an exortationish....no, its not what you think! She speaks the truth. Sometimes its not fun to hear but you know she is definitely speaking the truth.
She has been helping me unpack some of my obsessive tendencies...most directly my unrealistic expectations of keeping an orderly house. Here's what we've unpacked so far. Control is a huge issue for me...being in control that is. I need it, want it, have to have it. When my house is out of order, I feel out of control. Where does this stem from? I have my ideas which is another blog entry entirely.
So what do I do to alleviate this stress...i control.
My friend Kathie nailed it on the head. She said to me, "You think that you are in control of your life....but you re not...God is. And the fact that you believe and act like you are in control means that you treat yourself as an idol. Basically you worship yourself. Basically you don't trust God to be in control of your life."
Um....OUCH!!!
She nailed it dead on..right between the eyes. I swear sometimes i cant stand it she is so good. (She is only this good because she has waded through her own garbage!!)
Ive realized that my desire for control has become a shackle around my life. It effects my relationship with my family because I have unrealistic expectations of what they should do and how they should be. Hmmmm....what if I actually allowed God to be in control of my life. What if I actually gave up control??
E and I were talking recently after an arguemnt that we had had about the house. I swear we have had this conversation for the past 15 years...no lie. At one point I said to him that it was "Impossible apart from God for me to be okay with the house in disarray".
Well, here it is...time to put my money where my mouth is. What do I really believe? I realize that this issue in the concrete world is only a sympotom of what lies beneath the veneer sheield I keep over my heart. Its not about the house...its about so much more. Hm.....Could I possibly be shackle free?
She has been helping me unpack some of my obsessive tendencies...most directly my unrealistic expectations of keeping an orderly house. Here's what we've unpacked so far. Control is a huge issue for me...being in control that is. I need it, want it, have to have it. When my house is out of order, I feel out of control. Where does this stem from? I have my ideas which is another blog entry entirely.
So what do I do to alleviate this stress...i control.
My friend Kathie nailed it on the head. She said to me, "You think that you are in control of your life....but you re not...God is. And the fact that you believe and act like you are in control means that you treat yourself as an idol. Basically you worship yourself. Basically you don't trust God to be in control of your life."
Um....OUCH!!!
She nailed it dead on..right between the eyes. I swear sometimes i cant stand it she is so good. (She is only this good because she has waded through her own garbage!!)
Ive realized that my desire for control has become a shackle around my life. It effects my relationship with my family because I have unrealistic expectations of what they should do and how they should be. Hmmmm....what if I actually allowed God to be in control of my life. What if I actually gave up control??
E and I were talking recently after an arguemnt that we had had about the house. I swear we have had this conversation for the past 15 years...no lie. At one point I said to him that it was "Impossible apart from God for me to be okay with the house in disarray".
Well, here it is...time to put my money where my mouth is. What do I really believe? I realize that this issue in the concrete world is only a sympotom of what lies beneath the veneer sheield I keep over my heart. Its not about the house...its about so much more. Hm.....Could I possibly be shackle free?
4 comments:
Good stuff, Patti. I'm all for a clean house... it represents order; however, as you so aptly stated, the need for order can be subtly twisted to a need for control.
Isn't it funny how it's not even really about the house... it's just about us.
Don't beat yourself up too much! God will be refining and teaching you until he calls you home-- you've got lots of time to grow.
Love you.
Honesty. If we are all honest with ourselves we all struggle with some form of control. we have bought the lie that it's what makes us who we are. Perhaps some master this devilish, little nuinance but most of us will struggle along until the day of reckoning- when we see Him face to face and our struggles are gone and we are shackle free. so until then sister, let the dust remain. Love Susan Rollason
you are so real. i love you!!
You should write a book!! You are just so darn good! Love ya babe!! xoxo
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