Being sick this past week brought two things to the forefront of my thinking. Being unable to function for two days annoyed me to no end, but seriously, I was in a world of hurt and could NOT physically do much. Here's what I realized.
1. I enjoy working. I dont necessarily mean my job specifically, (although it is definately included in this thought) but work in general. I mean, I dont want to do it all the time, I dont want to have to do it without an endpoint in mind, but on some level, work is not a bad thing. I was thinking back to what is says in Genesis about how God gave man a mandate to subdue the earth...to work it. There is some inherent value in work. If we dont work how can we enjoy resting?
2. I tie way too much of my value/worth to working. This is not suprising really coming from the hearty Dutch stock that I do (that's for you Sally!). The Dutch pride themselves on their "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of mentality. That to work harder is to work smarter. These things in and of themselves are not bad or wrong by any means, but in my head it gets all twisted up.
I guess I see so much of my worth tied up in what I am able to bring to the table. I am able to bring income in, Im able to take care of the house and the girl and E. Im capable and reliable. The problem comes when these things, or the opprotunity to offer them is taken away. If i am no longer able to contribute, then what value do I have? I suppose this is a huge question in terms of our culture as well. What leaps to mind immediately is how we treat our elderly...or how we treat those who are unable to contribute in some fashion to society.
How it works out in my life is that I hate it that others have to take care of me and I can give nothing back. But here is the reality of it...am I really only worth something when I am contributing, or am I inherently worth something because I belong to Christ. I know for a fact that it is the latter, but in my head it often feels like the former. Being sick simply has pushed this to the fore front of my mind...
The implications of it are tremendous...I suppose it frees me to stop working so hard at doing what I do and start being what I be.
1 comment:
We learned a hard lesson to allow people to "take care of us" after Robbie died. We were used to serving and doing for others. IT WAS HARD to allow people to do this for us. We had to retrain ourselves to be on the receiving end of it. It does make you wonder about your value and wow, how can I let someone do this for me? But, for the Grace of God. I think about that everyday. His Grace is waht gets me through it all. Nothing more, nothing less. I have learned alot of other lessons along the way, but for the Grace of God, I am still here!
Hope you are well soon girl.
B
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