Circles of Light

My blog title is in part inspired by the fact that I adore cats....probably abnormaly so.

But a specific memory of my grandmother jumped to mind, and that memory, in part, inspired this blog title.

My grandmother was everything that a grandmother could and should be. She and my grandfather lived on a farm and we spent as much time as possible there growing up. She was one of those people who actually KNEW what it was like to live her life and be present in it at the same time. She walked the careful balance of being fun and managing the world around her. We felt loved by her in a huge capacity.

After my grandfather died, she kept the farm for a period of time. I can remember that time clearly because I was about 11. While our lives changed very little, hers had changed dramatically. However, she didnt let on to this to her grandchilden...we were still frequently spending the night and playing there during the day.

It was one specific night that I got to see a very private part of my grandma. It was time to go to bed. It was rather dark out, but the pool pump was still on. To turn off the pump, which was necessary, meant crossing the large yard in the dark and moving past some scary trees to the plug. While the pump plug was under a lamp, the journey there was dark and seemingly impossible to do without great fear.

Of course at 11 year old I balked at being the one to turn it off. Who in their right mind would go outside into the darkess, trevasse through the stones and shadows, with acres of farmland around. ANYONE or ANYTHING could be lurking...even when running at full speed it was far too scary! ..or so went the logic of my 11 year old mind.

Gramma laughed at me with good nature... at my unfounded fear. She didnt scold at all or make me feel bad, but rather put on her chenille blue robe and walked bravely to the pool pump. Two farm cats followed her (Im assuming becasue they thought they were getting a late night snack. One was gray and one was yellow.)

I was watching from the porch window. I lost her for a moment in the darkness of the yard but could hear the crunch of stones under her feet. When she reached the cool dark grass under what I knew to be the red maple tree I lost her completely. But, then she emerged on the other side of the yard into the circle of light of the pool lamp. She unplugged the pump and paused for a moment. It was a private moment that I was privleged to see.

She stopped and looked up into the sky at the stars.

She held out her hands

and twirled.

In that seemingly innocent twirl was a Sacred Moment. It was was a moment of questioning God of his plan but also of accepting the present...and of showing her future (namely me) what was possible. To come through the darkness and to still be whole.

I remember thinking she was so brave for crossing over the darkness.

I still think that today.

After she was done with her twirl she picked up the yellow cat and swayed with him, cuddling him up to her face. The other one sat at her feet. She looked towards me on the porch and made the cat wave to me.

That was all it took to make me brave.

I ran down the stairs, across the stones (at full speed mind you) under the maple tree and into the circle of light. I scooped up the gray cat and together we danced in that circle of light.

We danced with cats.

I didnt know this at the time, being only 11, but that night I learned that walking through the darkness does not have to be the end...that there is light, and that God is present in that light at the end of the darkness.