Wrong Number

I didnt know being a mom would be like this...so many different things and feelings. No one really tells you that once you give birth there is a little piece of yourself out there in the world...one that you never really stop thinking about...one that is tied to you and part of you but seperate as well. I remember the minute after giving birth I wanted that baby. It was a strong primeval urge beyond words. I needed to hold her and count her toes and fingers.

I think about how now that the girl is nine , that desire has changed but strengthened as well.
She is at Disney Campground camping with three of her friends and her best friend's family. These are people that I trust beyond measure...they would be our most likely candidate to raise the girl should both E and I die tragically in a plane wreck. But still I worry...Im ill at ease. Dont get my wrong, Im totally loving not being the one to be responsible. Its so infrequent that a mom really gets to check out and get relieved from her momming responsibilities. However, I cant wait to go get her today!

The phone rang last night at 1:26am. It rang only once and I grabbed it, fully expecting to hear a tearful voice or the worried voice of our friends telling us something was amiss.

It was a wrong number.

I laid awake for an hour, trying to get back to sleep after all that fear based adrenaline pumped through my system.

This is part of being a mom.