Duh!

I had a revelation last week Monday.

I made a decision to stop being angry about some stuff.

It was remarkably freeing!!!

Im horrible about keeping grudges. Usually against E, but to others too. Ooo Buddy...I can harbor resentment for weeks...months even. I have a horrible temper really. I used to have alot of issues with rage . Rage is major! I defiantley have seen progress through out the years although it does rear its ugly head occassionally. Much of my rage had to do with garbage from my childhood...developing a way of coping. Rage is really about control. Thank God for counseling.

Anyway...it was incredibly freeing to say to myself that right or wrong, I was going to simply not be angry about it and let it go. And not just SAY I wasnt mad...but actually NOT be angry about it WOW!!! It was like a load of crap fell off my back.

Most of the time im so busy trying to control what is going on in my life and control my household that when that control is challenged it comes out as anger. Im realizing that some of this is a lack of faith. Some if it is my faith in my husband. Ive put my faith in him and it actually belongs in Christ. He, being human has failed me. So of course I discredit his ability to deliver on things. And so I dont have faith. And so I try to control.

Can anyone else relate???

Interestingly enough God has allowed me to gently see that its actually a lack of faith in HIM that holds me back. That being angry about not being in control is actually a lack of faith! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT! ???

That when I am not in control of someting or when my control gets taken away I am lacking faith in Him. I am lacking the belief that God is actually in control of my life and knows better.

Interesting concepts to consider.