"When I die, here’s how I want my funeral.
I would like Michael Scott to fashion my coffin from Dunder Mifflin paper boxes and duct tape. My pillow will be the cushion from my chair (product # 497 –A8).
I want it to be 6’8” long and 3’ wide with ventilation holes in case I come back to life for some reason.
I would like to be buried with several things.
1) My lover’s cat and/or my lover2) My bobblehead3) A cd of the Grassroots “Golden Grass” as well as anything by White Zombie4) Michael Scott’s hair lock5) My 2005 Pennsylvania State Fair prize winning beet “The Governator”6) My spud gun7) My lover’s Bible8) My album of sales awards, high school diploma, 2 year Associates degree in Business, business cards9) Death certificate10) Garlic
I would like Michael Scott to make a graveside speech. In it he should mention a few things, such as:
“Dwight Kurt Schrute was the best assistant regional manager I will ever have.”
And
“I loved this man more than Andy or Jim or Pam.”(note: he does not have to include ‘Jan’ in said speech.)
I would like Mose to play Johann Sebastian Bach’s “Toccata and Fugue” on his whirligig.
Cold beet salad with Venison and mustard greens will be the menu. All will enjoy.
I want Jim to get on his knees and beg my forgiveness and while he’s in mid cry Mose will hit him in the back of his head with an oar.
Please make sure these specifications are followed to the letter or I will come back from the grave andhaunt each and every reader of this web log. AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! "
In all sincerity that is all,Dwight K. Schrute
1 comment:
Patti, I laughed my fool head off when I read this. I am so tired after staying up till 12:20 a.m. posting my college work and then waiting for numerous phone calls from FL to hear a new born baby cry on my voicemail of Grandson Tyler John born to Skippy at 3:20 a.m. so I am so tired that reading I have the "simples" and it sent me into a laughing frenzy. Love it. Inspired me to write my own funeral list. First thing on it will be NO ORGAN MUSIC! Brenda L.
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