Sometimes I think that working outside of the home is much less work than being a mother full time.
When Diane and I were both not married and working full time we would debate this over and over saying that no matter what, staying home and raising children was way way easier than working full time.
I would now change my vote! (Grass is always greener syndrome no doubt) This hard work!! Parenting is hard work! You constantly walk the line of guiding but not crushing their spirit. Obedience but out of respect not fear. Its HARD!! I often wish for an instruction book. I can follw instructions...its all the gray areas that are hard.
What I think is especially difficult right now is that we are moving out of childhood and into the pre-teen stage with the girl. She has opinions and desires and thoughts and wishes. Often they butt up against what I or we desire. She must listen to her parents and obey. And yet I want to listen to her as well and hear her side. However there are times when its just simply "because I said so" becasue the reasons are too complex or too advanced for her to get. Im realizing that at times when she balks even a reason would not stop the balking.
We are back to "dimes".
Except now it's "quarters".
We've pulled this discipline system out several times since she was three. Its simple. She has her bowl of dimes (now quarters becasue you HAVE to up the ante at this age) and we have ours. Approparite, positive behavior gets quarters, bad decisions, whinning or negative behavior loses quarters. At the end of the week she pockets what she has, be it one quarter or 20.
Im not entirely sure why this works for her or improves her behavior except that it definately calls her attention to her attitudes and actions.
For example: today there was no whining when she was told to do her hair and brush teeth. Quarter for her. When asked if she could purchase nail polish and she was told "not today" she put it back and did not complain. Quarter for her. When asked to vaccum her room she rolled her eyes and said, "but it doesnt need vaccuming" Quarter for our bowl. It seems so petty to me to do this with her at this age, but for some reason it works. I guess just calling her attention to her behaviors both good and bad makes her more aware of them and thus instutites change?
I know some would say that kids just need to do what they are told no questions asked and no holds barred. I agree with this for the most part. Children do need to obey their parents. I know that as they get older discussions will ensue, not necessaily in an arguing format, but in a discussion of WHY certain things are asked of them
I do way more things wrong with her than I do right, but I do know that positive reinforcement motivates her alot. It changes her beahvior and that is the end goal. So.... Im gathering my quarters and stashing them for now.
2 comments:
As you know, we do pretty much the same thing, except we are using the poker chips....it's really worked for Saige on NOT sucking her thumb anymore. It really motivates her to get those 10 chips a day! By the end of the week, if she has enough chips, she can get a toy that she wants.
That's a cool idea! If my parents took a quarter away every time I did something wrong or stupid.. I would be in debt for the rest of my life haha
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