Okay...Ill admit it...I get a bit bitchy when we return back to work full time.
I never really feel okay about juggling work and being a wife and mother and taking care of the home. That stresses me out...the juggling act because often I feel like Im doing none of it to the best of my ability. I fear that something will lose out. I know millions upon millions of women do this. I suppose some of my struggle is a throw back to how I was raised...my mother stayed home and so did all the females in my extended family. And almost every one of my friend's mothers. I guess I've always felt that being a good mother includes staying home. But that is also not my life and not our times anymore. (See this interesting article on Amy's blog)
So I try to work harder and smarter and try to get things orgainaze and hedge my bets so that I can do it all. E reminds me frequently that I have the lattitude to step back occassionally. That taking a day off when I need it is okay...that giving myself permission to leave work and attend things in the girl's classroom is totally fine from a financial standpoint. As he says, any hit I take financially for taking day off to go on a field trip or what have you is far outweighed by the health benefits and tuition break I get for working.
I always worry about the girl.That I am not a good enough mother to her...that she will think I dont care. That my actions tell her that work is more important that she is. Its frustrating and I never know if I am hitting the mark.
What frustrates me the most is that I get fatigued and then I can t do anything well. Sleep and having down time is a big necessity to me. When I feel like I am not able to get those becasue of circumstances then I stress even more. Its tough.
The start up of a new year is always difficult for me. I struggle with things until we settle down into a routine. Im like a three year old... I act out and get frustrated until the routine is down again...then Im like..."Oh...I know how to do this!!" I should know myself enough to know that transition is difficult for me personally and I rarely do well with it. Change is so scary to me. I wonder why Im that way?
The thing that suffers the most when I return to work is my friendships with girlfriends. Im always scared of hurting people but in reality I cant do it all. I need balance...Some of everything is good. And so I pray and wait...because usually stuff like this settles itself down with time. And because God is there.
I never really feel okay about juggling work and being a wife and mother and taking care of the home. That stresses me out...the juggling act because often I feel like Im doing none of it to the best of my ability. I fear that something will lose out. I know millions upon millions of women do this. I suppose some of my struggle is a throw back to how I was raised...my mother stayed home and so did all the females in my extended family. And almost every one of my friend's mothers. I guess I've always felt that being a good mother includes staying home. But that is also not my life and not our times anymore. (See this interesting article on Amy's blog)
So I try to work harder and smarter and try to get things orgainaze and hedge my bets so that I can do it all. E reminds me frequently that I have the lattitude to step back occassionally. That taking a day off when I need it is okay...that giving myself permission to leave work and attend things in the girl's classroom is totally fine from a financial standpoint. As he says, any hit I take financially for taking day off to go on a field trip or what have you is far outweighed by the health benefits and tuition break I get for working.
I always worry about the girl.That I am not a good enough mother to her...that she will think I dont care. That my actions tell her that work is more important that she is. Its frustrating and I never know if I am hitting the mark.
What frustrates me the most is that I get fatigued and then I can t do anything well. Sleep and having down time is a big necessity to me. When I feel like I am not able to get those becasue of circumstances then I stress even more. Its tough.
The start up of a new year is always difficult for me. I struggle with things until we settle down into a routine. Im like a three year old... I act out and get frustrated until the routine is down again...then Im like..."Oh...I know how to do this!!" I should know myself enough to know that transition is difficult for me personally and I rarely do well with it. Change is so scary to me. I wonder why Im that way?
The thing that suffers the most when I return to work is my friendships with girlfriends. Im always scared of hurting people but in reality I cant do it all. I need balance...Some of everything is good. And so I pray and wait...because usually stuff like this settles itself down with time. And because God is there.
6 comments:
I think all of us who work outside the home and are also wives and mothers feel the same stress. Kids, marriages, and friendships suffer from lack of attention. D and I work very hard at not arguing with one another, but we've had two heated disagreements this week, and I KNOW it's because I'm feeling the stress of the work/home balancing act. The only way I know to defeat it is to take each day as it comes, to continually ask the Lord to help me do all that he's set before me in a Christlike way, and to not keep score. I'm not too successful at it, but it's wonderful to know that the Lord will allow me to "reset" repeatedly. As for girlfriends, well, I generally only have them in the summer. :(
I have determined this week, that my job consumes 80% of my life. This is NOT good. Time for a change. Sad thing is, the other 20% is affected greatly by that 80%, time for a change! :( B
Here's the link for the article on the "Mommy Wars" http://scribblingsuit.blogspot.com/2007/08/mommy-wars.html
you can't do everything?! i am so disappointed. i thought you were super mom... oh wait, super mom doesn't exist. my mistake.... feel the freedom to NOT be someone that they could make a comic book out of...but it is hard to no try to be that person - even as a stay at home!
i love you p.shivs!! and no.. im not abusing the word haha!!
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