Walking through it

I have forgotten that being sad takes it out of you. Im very tired today...well that and the fact that we've had two parties in the last two days, one of which we hosted, a friend spend the night, nursery duty and a lovely visit with an out of town friend. Its all good...Im just tired.

Putting down the Boobah (that was our pet name for Dexter...long before the oddly named cartoon Boobah ever came into existence) was truly one of the hardest things I have done in years. The vet was so incredibly gracious and so was his staff because I literally could not talk when I walked in the office. They provided kleenex and didnt laugh when I snorted because I was crying so hard.

Im so glad that i got to be with him as they did it. Im glad that I got to say good-bye and Im so glad that we got to take him home and bury him. There is good closure in that...but it doesnt make it hurt less. E and the girl and I all bawled and cried and cried for about 15 minutes as we buried him. I dont know who was the most distraught.

E and I were commenting on how if we felt this badly with an animal, how must parents feel who loose their children. I cannot imagine as I know my grief only touches a tiny part of that that must feel like. I realize that Dexter was just an animal. He was not a person and yet he was an integral part of our life for the past 15 years ago. He lived in every apartment and house that Eric and I ever lived in together.

I forgot that being sad is tiring. Im ready to unplug today and just chill. Perhaps is was good to be so busy these past few days. I know I had a huge headache on Friday from crying on Thursday and when I woke up on Friday I did laugh at myself so swollen were my eyes.

That cat will forever remain as my dearest love. I know more cats will come and go in my life. He has a special place in it however, and always will.